Goodbye

Goodbye illusion Goodbye my dreamer Goodbye and along your journey Godspeed No remorse nor ill will I wish you For we were never meant to be Though we tried and tried we did Time and time again Fate and odds were never in our favor But we strove against them tete a tete Till the score was even but we would never be And so you lie cased in glass inside my memory A wistful smile crack of voice wisp of golden hair You've become a relic a mental souvenir So goodbye dear friend a glass I raise to you For times we never had and never will to these I bid adieu

What a day for a daydream...

It's so funny to me how the adult mind works. For the longest time I had dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Then, slowly, the reality of life set in and and stripped them one by one from me, like a dancer's dignity at Mr. Happy's on a Tuesday night. I had settled into the mindset, that "this was it." I have a job, I can be thankful for that, and this job pays my bills. I had thought that at my age-there wasn't much more I could ask for. That lasted for a long, bitter, time. And suddenly, when you realize, that life is what you make of it-the dreamer in you comes back to life. Sometimes it takes the spark of someone else's ambition or success, and sometimes it just reincarnates in you. I always prided myself on being a dreamer as a kid... and when I lost it- I thought that it was all foolishness. But now I see that it was foolish to let any of it go. I have as much time left on this earth as God sees fit... it could be minutes, hours, days... decades. So I'm going to make every single one count, and dream ever second of every day of the things I can, may, and will do. I think my biggest motivation right now, comes from knowing that if I can achieve certain dreams I have, that people I love will inadvertently have their dreams come true too. That my driving force- the success and happiness of those around me, and then my own. A lesson learned the hard way... is still a lesson learned. It's never to late to dream.

This... Is... JEOPARDY

I've always been somewhat of an "intellect." Not because I'm necessarily intelligent or smart-but because I've always enjoyed learning. Whether it was learning at school, learning through reading, or learning through observing; it has always been a pleasure of mine. It's only natural that I'm a trivia nut. Trivial Pursuit? Sign me up. Trivia night? I'm there. Any sort of game that's Q&A facts has my name written ALL OVER IT. Naturally, I'm a Jeopardy Junkie... and it's been a dream of mine to be on the show for a while now. So this year... I decided I'd register for the online test, and tonight's the night!! I'm excited-but also being very rational about it. I know that I may be very unlucky with the categories and questions. I know that 15 seconds to answer a question which may require a bit of memory recall is going to be rough, and I also realize that there are THOUSANDS of others that are also taking the test-and that even if by a miracle I did extremely well on the test, I may not get a call for an in-person interview due to how many people are trying to get on the show. You figure... 5 shows a week... 3 contestents per show (but only 2 NEW since one is a returning winner)... in a year-there are only ROUGHLY 500 contestents. My chances of getting on the show are so slim it's depressing. But it hasn't lessened my excitement to participate in the online test!!! So... here goes nothin!!! Perhaps I'll be one of the very lucky 500. Some one has to win, right????

End of the year poop

With the end of 2013 fast-approaching, social media is being flooded with "good riddance 2013" - "2013 sucked" - "2014 is gonna be my year" - "I'm gonna kick 2014's ass!" and so on, and so on, ad nauseam. Ironically... if you scrolled back far enough to the end of 2012-it was full of all the same sentiments... "F 2012, bring it on 2013!!" Really folks??? I mean-let's be real here; there's 365 days in a year, assuming it's not a leap, the likelihood of going an entire year without something "bad" happening and therefore rendering your year "the suckiest year EVVEEERRRRR" is so slim that it's not even worth entertaining the thought. This is life. Welcome to it. After the age of-oh let's say... 11? 12? life is going to consistently throw things your way that may not be ideal... but instead are REAL. Yes, you'll have your heart broken-most likely more than once (and if you're my friend on FB, you'll probably have your heart broken approximately 32 times in any given year. Really guys??? Stop it. Be in a relationship-or don't. And for the love of my news feed... dating someone for 2 weeks does not constitute changing your relationship status on FB, you're only going to be changing it back in a week when "he's such an ass hole" or "she's a filthy whore"). I'll keep this cynicism short and sweet. Here's to 2013... a year which brought many things my way--- *Another priceless year spent with the most amazing woman on this planet (my mom, of course)*A new job (yay!)*Another wonderful nephew (awww) *Another year spent with my counterpart (sigh/swoon/whatev the girls do these days) *Ended friendships (yep... 2 of them) that were over a decade long (yeah, fuck you too)* A new sister-in-law (Shoulder Shrugs)*Lost some family members to old age/cancer/etc (RIP Aunt Alice & Virginia) And 2013 leaves me with no different feeling than any other year. It was quick, it was fun, it was sad at times, and now it's gone. Cheer's to 2014!!! hopefully bringing many more of life's hysterical conundrums, health for all (especially mom). My only wish is that the days slow down, and I can put on rose-colored glasses and enjoy each day for what it's worth-whether it be good, bad, or indifferent. May I be always compassionate, understanding, and loving to all deserving. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, I miss my friend.

love you more pookie

Is there always one person that loves more in a realtionship???

a work in progress

I'm that cliche person right now... Sitting in a coffee shop. Looking SOOOOOOO hip with my macbook. And even cooler because I'm actually drinking COFFEE. I've typed about 32 beginnings to this. You know how that goes. When you're "in the mood to write" but you sit down and nothing crosses your mind to put down. One sentence... backspace backspace backspace. "No, this is going on a blog... I certainly have to sound much cooler than I appear to be right now." You know, I'm sitting here and I can't write because I'm so concerned with what everyone else thinks I'm up to here. Do they think I'm a student? Or some poor legal secretary doing work after hours just to keep up with the pricks at the office who are always on my back? Or am I some brooding artist desperately trying to cultivate my "big break" piece?? If I could read minds... I'd NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE. Who am I really? It's so unimportant and pedestrian you'd cut me off mid sentence--"ok, I get it, you're average, at best. So is your job." You'd be right. I have somehow landed a job that pays me more than I'm worth, and essentially, I have NO idea what I'm doing. I can go through the motions and mechanically complete the work expected of me, but please don't ask me why I'm doing what I'm doing. More importantly... back to the coffeehouse people. Look at me, wonder what I'm doing. Wonder if I'm important. WISH YOU KNEW. Most of what everyone does on a day to day basis in the public eye is meticulously orchestrated in their minds to create an appearance far more important than the reality of it.