Saturday, December 18, 2010

The "Un"Luckiest man in the world.

I just realized that in my lifetime I have survived a lot. I consider myself lucky considering all I've been through. Now I haven't had cancer or anything like that but I've had a comical list of injuries, deformities, infections and accidents. Lets count them off. When I was two I got scarlet fever and also lost a testicle due to UTI. In 6th grade I got mono and was out of school for two months. Also around that time I busted my head open for the first of 5 times. The summer before my senior year I cut off a 1/4 inch of my left middle finger. That summer I would also be in the first of 5 car accidents. In college I got arrested and kicked out of college for marijuana. In the military I ended up in rehab for alcohol. I've also gotten MRSA, a deadly infection that kills more people annually in the U.S. than HIV, and an eye infection that scarred my cornea. I've had sex with a women that had a herpes outbreak while we were having sex, without a condom I might add. I somehow didn't contract herpes. Most recently while I was stationed in Liberia I caught malaria. Besides all this I've literally shit my pants 4 or 5 times as an adult, most famously in the deans office while I was being kicked out of Liberty University. I've been in two car accidents in 3 days both of which ended up with the vehicles being totaled but no one being hurt. I can't tell if God is punking me or watching over me while I step out blind over the edge. Somehow I think its latter not the former. I am thankful that these misadventures have made me a better person, more interesting, a great storyteller, and one of the funniest people I know.....If bad shit has happened to you please right about it. Your fail is comedy gold for the rest of us.