Tuesday, December 30, 2008

auld lang syne

Here's to another year. Another year of I want to and I hope to and I will.  Maybe this year, i'll start writing that book. Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I won't date every sucker that expresses interest in me. Maybe I'll stop wasting my time on potential and start giving my time to those who deserve it. 

Last year I spent New Years with a guy, just me and him. I thought it was nice. He fell asleep before midnight. In March he took me on vacation. While we were there, he told me he loved me. I didn't respond. A week later, he told me he wasn't ready for that. A week after that he was dating someone else. Some love.

April through September was a blur. A blur of Soco Lime shots and Grateful Deads. Talking to ex's, sleeping with unknowns. Constantly searching without knowing what im searching for but obviously looking in all the wrong places. 

October through December I found myself in a place all too familiar. A place of knowing wrong but trying it anyways. I give myself in to all the wrong people and suffer extreme disappointment when people dont reach my expectations. How can I expect something to fly when it's never had wings in the first place? I should have held true to my vows. 

So, 2009.... listen, i don't know if i'm ready for you. i don't know if i can handle you. I dont know that i'm strong enough. take it easy on me, okay?

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I'll never know

I know you like the back of my own hand. Your souls breathes with mine and exhales at the same time, yet when i was lost in my head where were you to pull me out. What corners of your mind were you exploring while i interpreted my vision through my broken love lenses. I would give anything to be inside your head while i was stuck in mine. What did you think? Who were you thinking of? What memories did you recall? No matter how well i know you no matter how much closer we grow i can never know your thoughts. This is your great mystery. This is my desire.

Monday, December 22, 2008


I wish you'd realize she's the last unhealthy addiction in your life. This is going for the gold. When it's over your free. One by one you've overcome all others. You're so close. Of course you save the hardest and the best for last. Think of the amazing things you've done and think of the even more amazing you'll do. I believe in you. 

Saturday, December 20, 2008


She looks up at the only things constant in her life and sighs."Why is there such a fine line between love and hate?" she asks. "I wish I had an answer," it answered.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Moving from Summer to Winter and somewhere in between, I forgot to pack my happiness.

Monday, December 15, 2008

This Blog's for YOU

My blog is smart and quick
Your blog makes me sick

Friday, December 12, 2008

war is the only option

make me believe
let me see
take me higher
become immortal
invisible to this world
running on these empty streets
exploring these unknown lands
leading this army to new heights
heights we never believed we could reach
free falling
and running in these hostile lands
i could feel the enemies eyes
like fire on my head
survival is no longer an option
death is the only way to live.
freedom is at its height
born to live and born to give
life is only an empty canvas
fight till the end
fight for the freedom
without freedom
life is nonexistent
fight harder
through the pain
for one day
this will all end
war will only be an after thought
until than
war is the only option.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I want to be the only one and i don't even know who you are.

Monday, December 8, 2008


What if I told you that you are the only one?

Why? and other questions.

Why do little things bother me so much. People stress me out and they don't even know it. I hate stupid people they get under my skin. I can only hope that i get under their skin. But i doubt it. I think they are totally oblivious to anything. Why do they exist. I'm almost egotistical enough to beleive they only exist in my world to annoy me. Do they have lifes after they are out of mine. Im sure when they leave my life they're simply annoying you. Now, another question what is your bigggest fear. I realized it isn't being alone its more than that. I'm afraid of not being accepted or loved. I could be surrounded by people but not be accepted or loved. I'm not sure if i love myself or accept myself so that's probably a problem. I'm afraid to be vunerable but not as afraid to not be accepted or loved. What's your biggest fear?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


You are slowly becoming a memory i can no long remember
Like something from my childhood for a while you stood
As the only thing i could remember as the definition of happy
And i still haven't grown up fully but i know the difference
Between us and reality between trust and a fallacy
Is what love ought to be

you dont realize
how you affect my lifes
when you live yours