Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fuzzy Memories

Its the feeling I can't vocalize
The dream I can't remember
But it remains with me like a faded picture
With so much to say the words are on the tip of my tongue
My eyes wide open curiosity abounds all around me
My mind is small but not closed off knowledge hangs on every tree
At this time I do not yet know what I can't achieve
I cannot see past Saturday mornings possibilities
I eat my fruit loops and don't have a care in the world
The world is so big yet so contained in my little corner
I invent a new game and change the rules halfway through so I can win
I can't wait to be grown up like in my 20's what are Mom and Dad arguing about
Cant you pay everything off with a credit card
Being a kid is so hard no one understands me
I hate cooked carrots why do I have to eat them
Where do babies come from and what is Daylight Savings Time
Why are we Republican? Why are Democrats going to hell?
Who is Tommy Hilfiger and why don't I have his clothes
I love frozen pops on a hot summer day and Mom, I'm playing
so lunch will have to wait.....

This is sort of a rough draft and i would love to either have you write about your own childhood or comment on mine. The thing that inspired me is the fact that we as human beings are never content. We always want what we can't have. I remember being a little boy and i just wanted to grow up being a kid sucked and was so boring. Now that I'm "grown up" i would do anything to be a little kid again. To be innocent, naive and free from all the baggage, pre-conceived notions, and scars that Ive accumulated over my 25 years.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

unconditional friendship

I have such fond memories with you.
I look forward to the many more we will make together.
Your smell is intoxicating, a scent that no other owns.
Its an earthy, fresh, and wonderful aroma that fills my head when we're together.
When I breathe you in I am consumed with a warm, euphoric, light-headed sense of contentment.
I look forward to your company
I miss you when you're not around
When you ARE around, I have not a care in the world.
I'm floating in my subconcious marveling at the beauty and wonder enveloping me.
The simple splendor of the shadows dancing on the floor and the tingling warmth of the afternoon sunlight sprinkled across my face.
When you're around my senses are hyperactive. The sweet notes I hear in each beautifully crafted song are almost too sweet for my ears. The extreme plush, velvety soft, carress of my favorite blanket feels like a puff of cloud from the heavens floated down over me.

My dearest love, MaryJane, you will always hold a special place in my heart, my pipe, my lungs, my THC hungry neurons.

Monday, April 27, 2009


I wish you stayed as fresh as the first time i heard my new favorite song. Before all the buzz and bloggers and the hip indie kids made you the next best thing. Back when no one knew who or what you were about and i found you on a hunch. Do you remember when every conversation was new and every little detail about your past seemed like the coolest thing. You were unpredictable and exciting. Now i finish your sentences and order your food. I grab my shovel and help us dig this rut we've become accustomed to. Every now and then a glimmer of hope will appear but I'm way to comfortable to chase it. So don't you dare change that dial remember this is your favorite part and you know every word.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


Everytime I read the thoughts posted here I want to congratulate someone on a job well done and can't because I don't know who has written what. I like it that way. I like remaining anonymous and at the same time not knowing who you all are. Because on some level we're all connected by our writing here and it gives you a sense of escapism and overall well-being to know you're not alone. I'm on here everyday because I need a little bit of the world to be mine in anonymity.

Monday, April 20, 2009

3's company...

Familiarity crawls under the sheets between us. I can feel it, its you're right arm under the pillow my head is resting on and its your left hand on my hip. Its the way I fit perfectly into your arms the way cake batter layers a mold. Familiarity has a warm embrace.
When did familiarity become a bad thing? When did I want my half of the bed all to myself? When did it become "my half" and "your half" instead of "our bed"?
I can't breath the way your arm falls across my chest sometimes, or while you're sleeping your arm slides up to my neck. I can't sleep when you're sprawled out across the entire bed.
I can't sleep when your leg is slung over me and I can't move. Familiarity keeps me up at night. Familiarity is the third wheel coming between you and me.

I want the novelty of sharing a bed with you back.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Boost to my Ego

It's official. Have you ever had people who cut you out of their lives for one reason or another? I've had a handful. And as of last night the last one contacted me again. It's a wonderful feeling to know you aren't forgotten- either purposefully or not. The first three stopped talking to me for years and mostly it was because they were in controlling relationships. They all apologized for killing a friendship. And this fourth one stopped talking to me four years ago (long history there- always thought he was better than me) and just texted to say he was thinking about me to make sure I was alright. It's a good thing to know you aren't forgotten. And that people regret cutting off all ties and burning bridges. I never burn bridges- you never know who you'll need. And its a boost to my ego to know that people regret talking to me. I'm not saying I'm going to let these people back in my life fully like they were before. But its so so good to know that you're remembered and that these people regret the lost years of a friendship. Everyone should remember that.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Genuine Life

I have been thinking a lot lately. This is never a bad thing although it does complicate matters alot. I can't not be ok with the way things are. I will never just say "oh well thats just the way it is." I believe I can change things. I don't want to live a life of quiet desperation i want the real thing i want to live life the way it was intended- by the seat of my pants. I never want to be so entrenched in a pattern or a way of thinking that I'm not open to new ideas or people. I want to always grow and I want my ideas to be challenged. I want to forget the past and live simply for the beautiful moment i have right now. Above all I want to help people and be true to myself. Bring on the pain and the joy. I want the real thing no filters not watered down I want it in all its messy beautiful glory.