Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hello I'm a monster too

What we do in our time here makes a difference. I was here and so were you and we mattered. You only get to do this once. Make it yours.


My life is a stage only no one's watching. Which is horrible because one of my faults is thriving on attention. Sometimes I pretend its a sitcom and I have my own audience that I cater to. And I think: well, maybe someone somewhere is going through exactly what I'm going through at this moment and that makes it ok. But in the end- who really cares? I'm not living life I'm only walking in it for someone else. Everyone tries to fit into some cookie cutter type of lifestyle in some small way; meanwhile they're screaming inside because they're not happy. And so I urge you all to take a first step and not fall into the motions- go outside the box. Do something different than your daily routine. I used to love falling asleep in squares of sunlight coming in through the window. Back when I had 5 minutes to myself. I haven't done that in years. Maybe its time.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Hello my name is contradiction and i don't belong anywhere. I hate your materialistic ideals but i enjoy carrying a coach bag. I don't like the rain but I love the sound it makes. I'm older than my age but I still suck my thumb. Im health conscious but i smoke cigarettes. I want a slow paced life but I'm more productive when rushed. I know we communicate on different frequencies but i want you. I hate dressing up but high heels make me feel empowered.  i hate blogging but i like how it makes me feel.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


If pretty is fake is ugly real? Whenever i see someone that is physically appealing, in an A&F sitcom type way, i immediately think oh that person must be shallow. So does that make ugly people genuine and real. Its like the fat girl needs to have a good personality. Well what if she doesn't and what if the model does and is down to earth. Personally i think you should only be allowed to have one or the other. And i would have to pick personality. Beauty fades and after a while you start poking holes through it and finidng flaws. Inner beauty just grows and grows thats were love is found in the heart not inside a pair of designer jeans.

Dear orphan

Welcome to a family of like minded, slightly neurotic and definitely jaded individuals. Life strikes me equally as hard with its beauty but also with its ugliness. There are so many things to be happy about and that can take your breath away but at the same time there are many things that hurt beyond comprehension. I too know the comfort of solitude. That comfort is derived in the discomfort of others. Sometimes that things that hurt the most are not things that people do but what they don't do. The inner disappointment of seeing someone you believe in fail, or seeing someone settle or dreams never realized. It will get better, get out there live life the best you know how and continue to write and take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

Inaugural Debt

I don't want to take away from the historical value of today, that is not the point of this blog. I merely want to express my disgust for the United States, and especially the government.
I'm sorry, I do not see the logic in spending over 170 million dollars on this inauguration when we are in the middle of a recession. Where is the practicality in this?
Here is another issue I have with this; in the past when an inauguration has cost this much, it has been protested. Now, had this been a republican inauguration, you can bet your life, this obscene 170 million dollar expenditure would not go without remonstration.
Double Standard? I'd say so.

Having said that, this could be the US's greatest set up for failure... EVER... you can call me a cynic for hoping.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Three plus an orphan...

I think I am following a perfect blog. For a week now I've been lurking the willowchronicles writings, (That makes me sound like a creep I know.) trying to muster the courage to enter your blogging family, with something refreshing, maybe even inspiring, if nothing else at least 100% original. All the entries I've read have been really motivational to the cause. Unfortunatly my usual optimistic take on life is quite jaded, and I seem to be lacking original thoughts. Which is usually never the case. Everywhere I look someone is losing their job, including myself. This economy sucks right now! Everytime my phone rings I listen to yet another story of love turned cold. Leading me to wonder if love even exists anymore, and if it does where the flip it's hiding at. It really annoys me that I'm struggling to get by while the Hollywood crowd sits comfortably in their lavish mansions, with more money in their bank accounts then I'll probably make in my lifetime. Eff them! Lately I've found so much comfort in my own solitude, that it scares me, I don't think you should be that content alone. People are disappointing me so much though. I usually have no problem finding the good in every shit-uation, these last few months though have really taken a toll on my heart. I look forward to being able to provide the rest of you with insightful entries in the future, unfortunatly right now this is all I can offer...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Thank you

I just want to thank all 3 people involved with willowchronicles. The quotes and the writings are a highlight of my day. Thank you for posting your heart and insight to share with other like minded people. Recruit more people in project mayhem you space monkeys.

Monday, January 12, 2009

not quite the Macy's Day...

The melancholy parade of early adulthood is flooding my streets
with floats of responsibilities, banners of failure, twirling batons of lost dreams, and a drum corp clad in black beating my tune of dismay.
The procession drags on and finds a way to wind the roads of today and tomorrow to craft a never-ending loop of melodramatic exaggerations in my weary mind.

Friday, January 2, 2009

tomorrow isn't mine

I have an eerie calm about my own death. In some way, I almost look forward to it.
I know this may come across as morbid, but to me, death is a peaceful thought. True rest.
Don't get me wrong here, I want to live my life and grow older and wiser, have a family, I'd even like to know how it feels to become a grandparent; however, I don't feel as if I die tomorrow I'm missing out on anything. I used to have a very strong feeling that I did not want to die and be taken from my life here, I looked at death as a robbery if I happened too soon, but now, I can see that death is a force to be interpreted individually.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, however, I find life much more enjoyable and fulfilling without an anxiety over death.
If you think about it, your next breath is as uncertain as uncertainty comes. Death is unpredictable. I could fall asleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow, and the thought of that is somewhat comforting. Call me a morbid freak.

calendar drudge

Why is it that people put so much stock into the idea of a 'year'?
What does it mean? Its a block of time, a period which quickly comes and goes.
If everyone were to abandon the ever-lasting idea that a year has to be either overalll good or overall bad, mankind might be a little more positive.
I refuse do to the '08 reflection. Where am I right now? That's what fucking matters. That's the issue at hand. I can't change what happened, and I can't keep '09 from coming and throwing more unexpected or unwelcome situations my way. So why be so tenacious? I'm going to live '09 the same way I lived '08 and all the years previous-with an open heart and mind. Life is an experience full of learning, loving, losing, gaining, wanting, needing, but it doesn't need to be full of regrets.
Take it and run with it.
Life is not to be taken too seriously. When it all comes to the inevitable end, do you want to look back on a life of unfulfilled resolutions or would you rather reflect on a life lived the way it was intended?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

First post of 2009

Yeah thats basically all i want. My head is swimming too much running through it to process it all. I wish i could slow everything down and stay where i am. This next year is going to bring so many changes for me. I know change isn't bad but it can be scary. My thoughts are too jumbled to try to write. But, i have the first post of teh year. Hopefully this year brings more people into the willowchronicles family.