Tuesday, December 30, 2008

auld lang syne

Here's to another year. Another year of I want to and I hope to and I will.  Maybe this year, i'll start writing that book. Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I won't date every sucker that expresses interest in me. Maybe I'll stop wasting my time on potential and start giving my time to those who deserve it. 

Last year I spent New Years with a guy, just me and him. I thought it was nice. He fell asleep before midnight. In March he took me on vacation. While we were there, he told me he loved me. I didn't respond. A week later, he told me he wasn't ready for that. A week after that he was dating someone else. Some love.

April through September was a blur. A blur of Soco Lime shots and Grateful Deads. Talking to ex's, sleeping with unknowns. Constantly searching without knowing what im searching for but obviously looking in all the wrong places. 

October through December I found myself in a place all too familiar. A place of knowing wrong but trying it anyways. I give myself in to all the wrong people and suffer extreme disappointment when people dont reach my expectations. How can I expect something to fly when it's never had wings in the first place? I should have held true to my vows. 

So, 2009.... listen, i don't know if i'm ready for you. i don't know if i can handle you. I dont know that i'm strong enough. take it easy on me, okay?

1 comment:

willowchronicles said...

i love you and i love this piece, your writing like any good piece of art has inspired me to write my own year recap. You are stronger than you think and its not just something im supposed to say. I know it and so do you, you will get better and invest in someone that deserves all your potential.