This feeling of constant unrest... uncertainty about life and all It's little surprises and letdown... is really wearing me thin. And I sit and wait for something to change... for something to happen instead of making a change or make something happen. But I've grown so apathetic towards my life that I don't think I could make a change to it, even if I wanted to. Twice in the past 3 days I have discussed the same thing with 2 different friends, and not to my surprise at all, both conversations were identical. I asked an old friend "is this where you thought you'd be ten years ago?" And just last night another friend asked me the same thing. The answer was unanimously "no" none of us would have ever believed this is where we would be if you asked us 10 years ago.
There are too many options in life. How can we be expected to choose a career and commit ourselves to years of schooling only to obtain a degree and either hate the profession all together or not even be able to land a job in out area of expertise??? It seems asinine!! I can't justify spending the time, effort, and money on something that's likely to disappoint. I guess that's a piss poor Outlook on it all... but hey it's fuckin realistic.
So for now... I'll continue to smoke my cigarettes, listen to music that takes me back to a carefree time in my life, and just scrape by with my lousy paying job, and take my college classes one at a time until a degree in anything falls into my lap. Thank heavens for beer, pot, cigarettes, and equally disappointed, disgruntled, confused, and apathetic friends.