(un)finished sentence

I want it. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to wholly and unconditionally take the leap from the cliff of love. So leap little lover and don't look back. Embrace it violently shake it like a dog toying with a rabbit and don't you dare let go. Let it control you and overtake you. Love love like a drug after all isn't it the ultimate drug. A cocktail of anticipation, dreams, and expectations that relieves tension and provides peaceful rest. No more searching and wasted energy spent finding it. Once you find it mine the shit out of it till its spent and hurts for more. Find the endless bottom and drown in its depths but first, first you must leap. So leap little lover leap and don't look back.

blahh

So here I am, stuck drowning
In this forlorn spinning sphere.
What a mess has been made
Of this once crystaline dream.
It's been shattered, then
Carelessly patched together,
To leave a jagged, unnatractive
Ball to be travelled and explored.
But instead it's been abused and exploited.
I'm forced to adapt
To a world- I'm entrapped
In a society of inbred,
Mangled excuses for beings.

Knot what you think

I opened the door, blindsided by a sight I couldn't have imagined... I saw myself hanging lifeless, dangling like an air freshener from a rearview mirror. A chair lying on it's side, a neatly folded note displayed prominently, both beneath my paled swaying body. As I stare from the doorway, barely able to stand-my knees on the verge of buckling with every blink of my eyes, I think to myself, "how could it have come to this? Could it really have been so bad?" I'm not breathing... suddenly I violently gasp for air and both hands fly to my chest as if to assist with the breaths. All the while I gawk at my life hanging before me, incapable of moving. I look away and my eyes land on the perfectly creased note... I can't read it. I don't want to know how awful it was, knowing what brought me to this place of desperation could do no good. I instinctively scan the room, eyes darting every direction-never landing on the same spot twice, until... I see it... a large knife on the counter. Cold sweat, shaking hands, numb fingers and toes, I manage to grab the knife. The room is now spinning like the teacup ride at Disney. Dizzy nausea knocks me between the eyes and rolls down to my gut. I move mechanically towards myself hanging from the rafter. After picking up the chair and slowly finding my way to a standing position on the chair-I grab the rope that choked the life out of me and begin to saw at it with the knife in my hand. Not even realizing what I was doing, I watched the strength of the rope deteriorate and think to myself that was exactly what happened to my life. It was sawed at, gnawed, gnarled, and weakened to the point where it could bear no more weight. My arm saws without stopping... and I am awakened from my daze by the thump of my cold, stiff corpse. The thump seemed to echo for minutes... realizing how heavy the weight of the world felt day in and day out-I began to tie a new knot to match the one in my stomach, and looped it around my neck. While the breath escaped my lungs and none returned, the pain I was feeling right then and there was a comfort I could not have expressed.

The "Un"Luckiest man in the world.

I just realized that in my lifetime I have survived a lot. I consider myself lucky considering all I've been through. Now I haven't had cancer or anything like that but I've had a comical list of injuries, deformities, infections and accidents. Lets count them off. When I was two I got scarlet fever and also lost a testicle due to UTI. In 6th grade I got mono and was out of school for two months. Also around that time I busted my head open for the first of 5 times. The summer before my senior year I cut off a 1/4 inch of my left middle finger. That summer I would also be in the first of 5 car accidents. In college I got arrested and kicked out of college for marijuana. In the military I ended up in rehab for alcohol. I've also gotten MRSA, a deadly infection that kills more people annually in the U.S. than HIV, and an eye infection that scarred my cornea. I've had sex with a women that had a herpes outbreak while we were having sex, without a condom I might add. I somehow didn't contract herpes. Most recently while I was stationed in Liberia I caught malaria. Besides all this I've literally shit my pants 4 or 5 times as an adult, most famously in the deans office while I was being kicked out of Liberty University. I've been in two car accidents in 3 days both of which ended up with the vehicles being totaled but no one being hurt. I can't tell if God is punking me or watching over me while I step out blind over the edge. Somehow I think its latter not the former. I am thankful that these misadventures have made me a better person, more interesting, a great storyteller, and one of the funniest people I know.....If bad shit has happened to you please right about it. Your fail is comedy gold for the rest of us.

Losing Hope is where all my dreams lay

Fuck dreams. Let them go. This isn't a rant because I didn't make it. This is the truth dreams don't matter. Embrace who you are in the moment in the here and now and not who you one day won't be. You won't make it to the NBA, your not going to be a writer, or a poet, or anything "special" Fuck it I hate to be the one to break it to you but your really not even that different. I know it stings a little bit dont it. Well its the truth and you know what its ok. Your normal and your alive isn't that enough. Why do we put this insane pressure on ourselves to have this crazy existence when certain things just aren't possible. Don't be disappointed in the things that will never happen. Embrace being a "loser" a "dropout" a "failure" its so freeing. Don't have expectations just do.

why can't I just say...

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.


This is so easy to type... over and over and over... and I can't say it to you once... even though its's what I'm dying to do.

I love your smile
I love your hair
I love your blue eyes
I love your delicious lips
I love the way you drive
I love your snore
I love falling asleep in your arms
I love your laugh
I love your arms
I love your legs
I love the way you make me feel all right
I love the way you smell
I love your voice
I LOVE YOU.
I love that we never run out of things to say
I love how you say my name
I love how you rub my head when you're concerned
I love late night coffee cruises
I love getting stoned with you
I love your angry face
I love your ridiculous jokes
I love your crazy impressions
I LOVE YOU...