Saturday, September 12, 2009
Cosmic mis understanding
This title popped up when i went to type a title into the box so i guess its fate. I've been going through so many emotions lately, that i feel like i'm on the verge of tears. Being home reminds me so much why i left and at the same time why i miss it. I actually sometimes miss the things here more than the people. Thats not to say i don't love and appreciate my friends because i do its just weird to be this flaoting figure that pops in and out randomly throughouth their lives. I'm never home long enough to get used to being back and to get into the flow of things. I can't talk to my parents for fear of judgment or fear of me going off on their narrow minded ignorance. I can't talk to my brother because i'm afraid he wouldn't understand. Also i'm afraid our relationship as i want it is beyond repair. I've been staying with my parents yet i havent had a real conversation with my mom yet. My little sisters sit home and it hurts me to know that i won't see them for 3 years. The one sibling i can relate to is 3000 miles away. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I don't belong here anymore. This is not my home i'm not sure where i belong or if i ever will. Maybe this is my role in life to always be out of place.