Monday, September 7, 2009

These Are The Days

Above my closet door is a sign that says "LIVE" in big block letters.
I thought I was being sophisticated when I bought it for $35 on sale at Pier 1.
I put it above the closet because I was told it would fit there nicely.
And I was too afraid to put it above my bed-
Where it could (and would) somehow come off the nail, fall on my head and kill me in my sleep
[It weighs about ten pounds]
Strange and ironic, that.
To be killed by a sign that says "LIVE." Also ironic: the fact that I put the sign where someone told me to put it. Hope I don't actually live that way in the future.

In about 17 minutes I'm due across town at my grandparents' house.
To wash all of their windows.
Vinegar and newspaper. I found out that this is an old Italian remedy for washing your windows. Apparently newspaper doesn't leave streak marks and your windows will be nice and shiny.
I'm going to smell like Vinegar and newspaper for the rest of the day.
They paid me for the job. But it's almost not worth it to have my 78 year old 5'2" Nana watching me and handing me pieces of newspaper as I wash her windows. Have you ever had someone watch you while you're doing a job? Not entirely comforting. Just leave me in peace and let me do what I have to do. That's what I brought the IPod for- So I woudn't have to listen to you critique me because I missed some moisture on the bottom of the sill there. Next week I'm supposed to clean all of their rafters. Oh boy. Can't wait.
I forgot to mention that I'm jobless at the moment. This is their way of handing me $100. "Clean our house, Leila. We'll give you some money." They know I wouldn't take it for nothing. Or at least this is what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
I have about $300 to my name and a credit card that I've hidden so I can't use it anymore. I have a doctorate and no job. Glad I spent all of those years and all that money studying so that I wouldn't be able to have a sizeable income when I get out. I've been slowly coming to terms with that; I have no qualms about waitressing in the mean time. Oddly enough having no life plan has been liberating in some way. I want to travel and see the world. Yet here I am stuck at home at 25 living with my parents and resenting the fact that I feel like I'm back in highschool. And the fact that I have no money to do said traveling.

This morning my mother said she doesn't buy anything from Costco anymore because there is too much food for only her and my dad. Literally she said "It's only me and your father here now."
I've been living at home for more than a month. Thanks for including me. Really appreciated that one, Mom.

So here I am. In dire need of a day job. In fact it's the afternoon and I'm still in pajamas. Loving Life. These Are The Days. Better get dressed so I can get around to those windows.


willowchronicles said...

Just wanted to share some thoughts I've been having about how ironic my life is lately and that I've been (most likely) a tad too bitter about it. I'm grateful for the fact that I'm not homeless and my family is still on this earth and for a lot of other things. Trust me I try not to forget that. It's just lately my life has taken a downward turn and I felt the need to write about it. Get things off my chest. That's all. Thanks for reading, at any rate.

willowchronicles said...

I thought the teen years were rough... but the 20's are only worse. Sometimes I wonder if it ever truly gets better or if we finally give in to the disdain and settle for a unsatisfying life all the while telling ourselves we're happy... otherwise the kitchen knives might pose a threat every day when we got home from our shitty jobs. Wow, that was morbidly depressing, I digress