Deep connection

I had one of those very rare moments of human connection. I met a person who i knew as an acquaintance and we started talking. That conversation turned into 5 hours and it was amazing. It was funny cuz we both recognized the fact of how rare it is for two men to let down there guard and really connect. But that's what happened it was real and raw. I feel blessed to be in the generation I'm in where people of different races and backgrounds don't have to be confined to their past and what they did. They can be accepted and appreciated for the person they are now. On another note i think i want to try stand up. Im being serious some of the most genuinely hilarious thoughts hit me i crack myself up all the time. I don't know how well it would translate to other people because its hard to explain. Like for instance here is one bit that i came up with tonight i don't know if its just me that fonds it funny. It has to do with racism and stereotypes. I love having a black friend that allows me say nigger around him. It makes me feel special like thanks dude for letting me use this totally amazing and fun word. And it also makes other white people jealous and nervous. They get jealous because they know they cant say it and it also proves to them that i am not racist because i can say it and my black friend doesn't get mad. I know deep down they want to try it but are afraid that he will get mad and kill them. Which he would because we cant have a bunch of white people going around saying nigger. I mean then it would be just a word. See that's funny to me i dont know how well it translates. Let me know please pass the paparika and ....

Hello Stranger

Hello stranger with the dark hair and boyish good looks. Would you like to run away with me and get married? I think you can make me really happy. The way you read that newspaper shows your an intellectual. Your gaged ears say your artistic and your business casual attire says you've got goals. I like where this is going. I'm in love with you already and I don't even know what your voice sounds like. Your eyes tell me what you think of me. In your head you think "she's hurt. maybe she was abused at some point, but she fought through it,she's a fighter. Her eyes are amazing, I cant look away. Look how she takes care of everyone. She'll make a great mother. Let's run away and get married."

Trash thrash

It's 11am. Hung over. sitting in bed with no pants on, drinking a cup of Pepsi, and smoking a cigarette. How fucking attractive. Somewhere in between being the President of the French National Honor Society and dropping out of college, this is what I have become. Excellent.

Pass the salt and commence with the beatings.

Ok usually i write some cheesy overly dramatic poem about lost love and try to work a tear from my captive audience of 7 but not this time. No cliches and metaphors and trying to be clever but more importantly hoping that youll think im clever and therefore be astonished that your friends with someone thats so brilliant. Through writing on here ive realized im not the best writer and therefore to save my ego and your sighs im going to take the traditional blog route. Im going to write about totally relatable( i hope) things that happen everyday in my life. Damn it yesterday i had a whole shitload of stuff i wanted to say observations were flying at me like.... told you no metaphors or similies. Lets start with the holidays what a craptastic time of fake cheer and commercialized happiness. Im supposed to be happy and spread holiday cheer when every store i go to has 4x the amount of people normally and everyone is rude trying to spread that cheer and happiness to their loved ones. A person was trampled to death at the united church of america(walmart) thats not a metaphor its true. And for what a i pod that was on sale a wii. It doesnt make sense. Maybe this is just me but when your in walmart do you feel better about yourself. I do i really do i could be having the worst day ever but seeing that much white trash in one place lifts my spirits like none other. Also in walmart now this not everyone might think but i often daydream on how many people i could take out if i had a machine gun and a few well placed grenades. How long till the overweight 55 yr old previously laid off security guard could take me down and would he? i mean this dude is making minimum wage. Are you going to take a bullet for $6.75 and part time benefits. Im not i can tell you that but if someone did go ballistic it would make shopping easier but i dont know how i would feel about myself. Girls yeah here we go ok just walk with me im not going to where you think i am. Its just that i cant even tell you the last time i met a cool chic. I mean an honest to goodness cool decent person that had a vagina. Someone that i would hang out with even if they were neutered. I havent and dont know when i will. They are rare and usually are taken or dont want to have sex. At least not with me then again i havent meant one in a minute. Thats the funny thing i want to have sex with someone that i dont need to have sex with. There are some people that we just use for sex you cant carry a conversation with them but you will be inside them. I want sex as a bonus like jerry and elaine. This is good no reason why that wouldnt be good. Well till next time please pass the slat.

self-mutilation

I internalize all my fears
all of my doubts
all of these years.

Now buried far beneath
the layers of insecurities
becoming my inner demons.

I can't show you who I am
Who I really want to be
Because I'm hidden.

Sealed up tight
only for me to know.

Sometimes I slip
and a light so piercing and bright
will shine through my layers.

This light tears through me
in the most horryfing way
while my layer upon layer of inner demons
grab and gnarl to keep it in.

For you to see this one small piece
I suffer immeasurable pain.

So take that sliver of me
and cherish it-
it pained me to release.

somewhere in between

Somewhere in between
the first look and the last smile
i thought this would last a while
somewhere in between the first talk and the last walk
i found an unbreakable force. a shining shield.
somewhere in between the way you would look at me
i saw a girl that would live eternally
somewhere in between the first kiss and the last
your love seemed so naive
but why did you leave so fast?
somewhere in between hello and goodbye
i found a love that would never die.

lost in translation

somehow you got lost in translation
you are like a creator with out a creation
some would call you an abomination
from my point of view you are a reconciliation
saving me from this sure damnation
and here i sit confused and full of frustration
as you are in a hot pursuit of domination
i fall to you to you once again without any justification
your actions feel no consequence your far from redemption
sooner or later this world will call you ceasar
and you will rule and no one will be able to please her
you will fall even deeper into despair
as you get lost in translation.