Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pass the salt and commence with the beatings.

Ok usually i write some cheesy overly dramatic poem about lost love and try to work a tear from my captive audience of 7 but not this time. No cliches and metaphors and trying to be clever but more importantly hoping that youll think im clever and therefore be astonished that your friends with someone thats so brilliant. Through writing on here ive realized im not the best writer and therefore to save my ego and your sighs im going to take the traditional blog route. Im going to write about totally relatable( i hope) things that happen everyday in my life. Damn it yesterday i had a whole shitload of stuff i wanted to say observations were flying at me like.... told you no metaphors or similies. Lets start with the holidays what a craptastic time of fake cheer and commercialized happiness. Im supposed to be happy and spread holiday cheer when every store i go to has 4x the amount of people normally and everyone is rude trying to spread that cheer and happiness to their loved ones. A person was trampled to death at the united church of america(walmart) thats not a metaphor its true. And for what a i pod that was on sale a wii. It doesnt make sense. Maybe this is just me but when your in walmart do you feel better about yourself. I do i really do i could be having the worst day ever but seeing that much white trash in one place lifts my spirits like none other. Also in walmart now this not everyone might think but i often daydream on how many people i could take out if i had a machine gun and a few well placed grenades. How long till the overweight 55 yr old previously laid off security guard could take me down and would he? i mean this dude is making minimum wage. Are you going to take a bullet for $6.75 and part time benefits. Im not i can tell you that but if someone did go ballistic it would make shopping easier but i dont know how i would feel about myself. Girls yeah here we go ok just walk with me im not going to where you think i am. Its just that i cant even tell you the last time i met a cool chic. I mean an honest to goodness cool decent person that had a vagina. Someone that i would hang out with even if they were neutered. I havent and dont know when i will. They are rare and usually are taken or dont want to have sex. At least not with me then again i havent meant one in a minute. Thats the funny thing i want to have sex with someone that i dont need to have sex with. There are some people that we just use for sex you cant carry a conversation with them but you will be inside them. I want sex as a bonus like jerry and elaine. This is good no reason why that wouldnt be good. Well till next time please pass the slat.


willowchronicles said...

There's a lot to chew here...
Xmas is a load of crap. All it is is an excuse to be greedy and give to receive. The only time we should be giving to receive in good conscience is in bed.

Unless you're in it for love, sex is sex. Have a good orgasm and move on. Typically the people you're fucking aren't the kind of people to have deep conversation with, unless of course you were fortunate enough to fuck me back in my whore-days. I'm fucking cool.

Back to christmas...
I was so enraged by this poor man that was trampled to death while openning the doors to walmart. Humans are fucking vicious, and its enough to make me sick. How could you walk over a person being crushed to death? Fuck all of those ignorant, selfish, welfare pricks. And to hear they were upset at the prospect of walmart closing due to the death... fuck all of them, I can't even talk about it.


Shayna Stonecypher said...

that jerry and elaine episode was real funny.

what are you guys doing?

a little of this and a little of that.

so funny. also, i would never buy you a christmas present at wal-mart.