Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fuzzy Memories

Its the feeling I can't vocalize
The dream I can't remember
But it remains with me like a faded picture
With so much to say the words are on the tip of my tongue
My eyes wide open curiosity abounds all around me
My mind is small but not closed off knowledge hangs on every tree
At this time I do not yet know what I can't achieve
I cannot see past Saturday mornings possibilities
I eat my fruit loops and don't have a care in the world
The world is so big yet so contained in my little corner
I invent a new game and change the rules halfway through so I can win
I can't wait to be grown up like in my 20's what are Mom and Dad arguing about
Cant you pay everything off with a credit card
Being a kid is so hard no one understands me
I hate cooked carrots why do I have to eat them
Where do babies come from and what is Daylight Savings Time
Why are we Republican? Why are Democrats going to hell?
Who is Tommy Hilfiger and why don't I have his clothes
I love frozen pops on a hot summer day and Mom, I'm playing
so lunch will have to wait.....

This is sort of a rough draft and i would love to either have you write about your own childhood or comment on mine. The thing that inspired me is the fact that we as human beings are never content. We always want what we can't have. I remember being a little boy and i just wanted to grow up being a kid sucked and was so boring. Now that I'm "grown up" i would do anything to be a little kid again. To be innocent, naive and free from all the baggage, pre-conceived notions, and scars that Ive accumulated over my 25 years.

1 comment:

willowchronicles said...

I have mixed emotions about my childhood.
On one hand, you could say I had a perfect childhood with loving, supportive, and stable parents. I had all 4 grandparents until I was 9 ( which isn't very common, and they lived within 5 minutes of us)
My mom stayed at with us, and agreed to nearly any activity we could dream up. Bike rides, walks, baseball, water fights, board games, you name it. She was always ready and willing to spend time with us.
My dad was just as great. When he was home from work he'd be playing with us. He'd bring home our favorite candies once in a while, teach us to play poker, or playing H-O-R-S-E in the backyard.
When I was little, I looked up to my 2 older brothers. I thought we were friends... we played, we joked, we had so much fun discovering things together. As they got older and went to school and made friends I was less and less their friend and more and more their object of torture and torment. I don't think anyone emotionally scarred me as much as those two. The teasing, the hitting, the harassment, and near torture. There are too many instances to mention when I thought they'd literally kill me or I'd just die of hurt feelings or ambarrassment in front of the neighborhood kids or their friends.

Aside from the "picture perfect" part of my childhood... my family was so fundamentally fucked up. There was never any talks of feelings, no encouraging or uplifting words. Tearing eachother down seemed to be our forte.
Everyone that wasn't like us was wrong and going to hell (yes the democrats too haha)
If you didn't believe what we believed you were bad.
Its a true wonder and miracle that I turned out half as "normal" as I did.
I think personality and personal interpretation of events and emotions are some of God's most beautiful creations. I'm thankful I had the proxy to stand up and say that I am who I am regardless of my family. I love them all deeply, but I do not now, nor will I ever identify with them.

Thank you for this post. I enjoyed it. (Haha democrats going to hell, that's great)