Monday, August 17, 2009

Dear Andy

you died last week.
from stage 4 melanoma.
you were 27
i wish i had known you better
although i feel as if i did know you to some extent
i sat next to you for an entire year in every class
for the first year of law school
before you were diagnosed
and my mind would wander back to you sometimes
wonder what would have happened if you hadn't had cancer
you were tall dark and handsome
i had a small crush on you that would have made you blush if you had known
you had these amazing hands that seemed so competent
and your eyes- you could get lost in them and every time i looked in them it was a comfort to me
you said i was beautiful. you said it twice to me. i'll never forget. you said it so casually like it was meant for me only. yet it was in front of others
i loved the way you were so calm and your sarcasm and humor was so contagious
your voice was always steady no matter what. as if nothing could break you
and then something did.
you fought for two years. with a strength that no one could have had
i used to ask God to take away some of your pain and give it to me because I could handle it. my body was stronger and i wanted to alleviate some of your suffering.
I didn't go to your funeral or your wake. I wanted to. But in the end I didn't want to remember you like that. I wanted my tall dark handsome friend back. And my last memory of you is in my car laughing. I'll keep that with me always. I wish.... I wish alot of things.
I know you're out of pain now. And I hope you're in a better place. You didn't get a fair shot at this life. I hope you're next one is better and that maybe I'll bump into you in the next. I hope I do.
I miss you Andy
I'll always miss you.
If God has a plan for you than your next life will probably be pretty amazing.
I'll carry you with me always.
A little piece of you in my heart.

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