Saturday, August 1, 2009

Mutual feelings. I just pressed back space for about 5 minutes. I had originally started this post with the very beginning. The beginning of when I felt love about 5 years ago.... with my ex fiance. The reason for the post was to share the happiness I feel now. Slowly but surely I was going to get into my new life, my new feelings. I initially wanted to start with what id been through in the past. Then I thought...why? It's not worth it. It's over. I'm never going to fully accept the happiness I feel now until I totally let go of the past. It felt great. To write it all down and then delete it all. bye bye. I was thinking I should have just left it and just started writing in a new direction but it wasn't even worth it.

Where I am now is where I want to be, no matter how I got here.

He has goals. Plans. I've seen his spreadsheets, he has it all figured out. I like that. He's incredibly sweet and thoughtful. I find him doing things that not even I would have thought of. He parties and has fun but all in excellent moderation. He's sexual in the most beautiful way when it seems perfect to be beautiful. He's sexual in the most animalistic way when it seems perfect to be animalistic. No day is the same and I never know what to expect. He's enhanced life. He doesn't ever want to be the center of my universe. He says he just wants to be an added bonus. He says he was happy before he met me but now he's happier than he'd ever been. He lets me be me... silly, extremely happy, sad, bitchy... and he loves every side. He always says... "remember how we met; we didn't really know each other but you wanted to play Frisbee and I played with you. Then you had your wisdom teeth taken out and I've never seen anything cuter in my life than your swollen cheeks and your sad face." He's intelligent about things I know nothing about and vice verse. Its a constant exchange of ideas.

I got a promotion at work. I love my job and my progress. Right now things seem tough money-wise, but I know one day my dedication to my job will pay off.

From here, this place, this place of where i want to be, there's nothing else to do but move on to the next dream. I'm happy you're here for the move.


Anonymous said...

I love the spreadsheet line. Im also happy for your happiness. It sounds like you been through a lot and i love how you didnt bring up the past and instead choose to relish and focus on the happiness you know feel.

My Idea of Fun said...

Where I am now is where I want to be, no matter how I got here.
just reread it and i love this line too. its perfect.

willowchronicles said...

Oh so perfect... I really need to start coming by more often... Shame on me.