Thursday, August 20, 2009

grey matter

The words will come to me...

Lately, my thoughts and emotions are headless turkeys.
My life is passing by while I stare out the window trying to follow road signs so I don't miss my exit.
But the road signs are useless.
How did I go from being a sweet little toehead grinning princess to a confused orb of 401k, HSA, IRA, BA and any other group of numbers and letters that are supposed to mean something to me?
Somewhere between My Little Pony mornings and enrolling in a 401k my essense jumped ship. Well here I am aboard the S.S. Corporate and my first thought is to throw a life saver to my essense, but maybe my essense needs to toss me a life saver and pull me off the barge.

I want my fairy-tale ending mindset back. I don't care if there is no sparkling castle at the end for me, I want to hold onto the delusion that their could be.
I want to look at my parents like they're mommy and daddy again and not my adult peers. I want my aunts and uncles to be as cool as I thought they were.
Sounds pathetic... like a slowly chunking woman trying to squeeze into her seafoam green prom dress... its not like that though-I just want me back.

So me, listen, if you're out there swimming in the infinite sea of life.. keep an eye out for me-I may just take the plunge and join me again. I'm tired of being the hollow easter bunny with an eye missing behind the saran wrap of life. Its either I find me or I pray for the saran to fall and take my breath away and smother the misery of my seemingly disgruntled existence.