Thursday, February 26, 2009

Every Time

I see your picture I'm taken back to four years ago when I decided to sleep with you that once. And to think I wasted years loving you when you were only a fantasy. I built you up into something incredible so that it couldn't be matched. And sometimes you knew it and told me that you couldn't be what I wanted. Other times you would say "is there anyone that can take you and do this in a day. I'm one of a kind." And so I was conflicted for years. Its funny to think that my ultimate wish for as long as I could remember was your undoing. Because you were, absolutely by far, the most horrible lay I've ever had and it's liberating. Liberating to know that even though all the hurt and the wanting was for nothing- I can move on. I can live my life and know that you were never meant to be my prince in some castle. My high school sweetheart realized and loved and warm and real. And it's made me stronger. Who I am today. You may have taken away my innocence (not sexually)- but through the mind fuck that was loving you. And you may have taken my naivete that love really isn't a fairy tale. But I tell you now that I'm a stronger person for it in the end. You'll always have a little piece of me. The first boy I loved and lost my heart too. But you won't have my hand in the end. Or my heart. Those I reserve for myself. And whom I choose to live with my life with. So Thank You. For being the worst person to fall in love with. Thank you for making me strong and who I am today.

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