Sunday, February 15, 2009
This place I'm in.
I'd rather die than live a lie. Why do we eat/ignore each others bullshit all the time. Is it because we care and think it would be rude. Or maybe it's because we don't care enough. Or better yet if you don't call me on my bullshit I won't call you on yours and we can all go on living our lives. Our beautifully, imperfect, unfulfilled, boring, plain, pedestrian lives. We are not bored by what we do do, but rather by what we don't do. I am full of shit. I say I want to help people yet I can't/won't help myself. I say your boring and yet I'm just as boring. I talk a lot and get pumped up for nothing. I live through words, art, movies and music, yet I myself just exist.... merely breathing. I have become everything I hate simply because I don't have the balls, ambition, or direction to be what I want. Who am I to expect out of you something I myself can't provide.Who the fuck do I think I am!!! I am the judgemental do-nothing prick that I've always hated. I act like I'm above you because I say I see the world differently. But, for what I have the eyes to see but not the feet to move. I'm sorry for every time I looked down on you and felt sorry for the way you lived your life. When in reality I just feel sorry for myself and I take it out on you because your available. I'm sorry and until I am who I can be and live how I should, I will never look down on you from my Ivory Tower of shame and regret.